No, I’m Not Dating and I’m Doing Great!

Nicole D. Hayes, Founder, Voices Against the Grain

Nicole D. Hayes, Founder, Voices Against the Grain

I hesitate to give this topic any more oxygen than it requires. I write in hopes to squash fears and encourage the hopeless. I’m an attractive, intelligent, single godly woman, successful, free to do as I please. I live in a city brewing with activity any day of the week with myriad opportunities to engage with highly cultured, educated and successful people. The aforementioned ingredients seem a prime cure to the perceived problem: my singleness. Several people have asked me the dreaded question: “Who are you dating?” My reply: “No one.” Their next question in rapid response, “WHY AREN’T YOU DATING??!”

From family, to colleagues and some friends who haven’t yet caught on, I realize they ask the question in love, and not to criticize me. They desire to see me fulfilled, perceiving that this area of my life is dead, denied or failed. Society has us under the gun to fill that slot with nearly anyone if we’re still single after 30. But rest assured: my singleness is a GIFT and I am doing great! I am living my singleness to the max; operating to the “nth” degree in service to the Lord and His Kingdom! My mind is straight focused on doing His will daily, hourly! It’s an absolute joy! Desires I have asked for in serving Him and His People, He is bringing to pass. There are married people who would happily trade places with me, realizing the freedom in which I live.

Yes, we all desire love and companionship. I have fallen in love with Jesus Christ, the lover of my soul. Anything beyond that is icing on the cake. Yes, I desire and sometimes yearn for the helpmate, husband and partner that God has for me. But I am worth the wait and so is he. In my wait and being prepared, the Lord has done a great work in me and I am encouraged by what He has shown me. Areas where I wasn’t previously patient, God has developed my patience. Areas where I offered less understanding or compassion, God has enabled me to extend greater levels of understanding and compassion toward others.

Another encouragement rests in a dream the Lord gave me a year ago conveying some of the character and physical traits this person will embody. Having advance knowledge of these particular traits enables me to pursue God’s work without the distractions of dating aimlessly and the potential drama that invites. I won’t be dating just any man as I know the particular traits to expect. I also won’t feel the need to “fix” my situation to where I may be operating precariously outside of God’s timing and will.

Ecclesiastes 3-11 he has made everything beautiful in its timeThose who are waiting on marriage or other desires placed before the Lord, Ecclesiastes 3:11 encourages us that “He has made everything beautiful in its time.” Additionally, Habakkuk 2:3 assures us of the Lord’s faithfulness: “Though it lingers, wait for it: it will certainly come and will not delay.”

Read encouraging “Single and Content” themed articles from Whole Magazine.


Nicole D. Hayes is the founder of Voices Against the Grain, a bold teaching ministry launched in May 2013. Nicole’s purpose in creating Voices Against the Grain is to be light in darkness, to boldly instruct truth amid confusion so as to bring clarity and restoration.

Learn more about Nicole D. Hayes here. 


2 thoughts on “No, I’m Not Dating and I’m Doing Great!

  1. I love it!!! You GO GIRL! Stay RIGHT where you are until God moves you to another place!! Single with only you and the Lord means that he has all of you to himself!!!! When he is ready he will share you.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s